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What
is it with the notices "Now Hiring" or "Now Open"?
Wouldn't just "Hiring" or "Open" cover it?
While I'm at it, the expression is "..couldn't care less"
not "...could care less". Oh yeah, it should be "7
items or fewer" not "7 items or less". Somebody
stop me. I think I need a 12 step program. |
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"the
voices told me to stay home and clean the guns today." anonymous
frank
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Is
it safe to go back to using only two digits for the year?
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Jeffrey
Dahmer kept body parts in the refrigerator. Disgusting. No question.
But lately I started noticing body trimmings and the utensils
for removing unwanted growth out in the open everywhere. I was
working on an ad with someone, looking over their shoulder at
their monitor when I saw this sleek little black, slightly bigger
than a AA battery, nose hair trimmer. I innocently asked what
it was and wished I hadn't. I've since seen them advertised
in Sharper Image catalogs. It's called a Turbo-Groomrer and
it removes unsightly ear hair as well. I met with the owner
of the local hardware store here on business and he took me
down to his office in the basement of the old brick building.
He was paged on the intercom as soon as we sat down and he left
me sitting across the desk from his empty chair for about five
minutes. The decor was so boring it was spooky and I started
daydreaming. I absentmindedly picked up this large thumbnail
clipping that was sitting on the base of his lamp and I was
holding it in my hand when he came back into the room. I realized
what I had in my hand and snuck it back on the lamp. Now I notice
nail files on end tables and used toothpicks near the TV in
people's homes. My neighbor had used Q-tips on his kitchen table
when I stopped by the other day for cryin' out loud.
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Strangers
used to say "God Bless You" when you sneezed. Now you
are likely to get a "Bless You" and I can't figure that
one out. I guess people are confused because they want to be polite
and "God" is just a little too strong a word to say
in public these days. How did this happen? And just who or what
is doing the blessing? I would rather they didn't say anything
when I sneeze. |
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How
do kid's get away with wearing sports paraphernalia without people
wanting to talk to them about the teams all day. I mean, I wore
an orange ski hat all winter that my father gave me and everybody
wanted to talk about the Browns. I like wearing my P hat because
it is one of my initials. I don't know anything about the Pirates.
But sports teams' insignias all have hidden meanings like gang
membership or something. I found a Red Wings hat in the street
while I was riding my bike but I am afraid to put it on. |
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Since
when do they allow yellow page ads in the white pages and white
ads in the yellow pages? They might as well just put out one
book. Ever price an ad in the yellow pages? They cost a fortune.
Let's bring on the technology. In France they have an on-line
database connected to everyone's phone with the ability to cross
reference names and streets and sort Thai restaurants by a so
many block radius and locate a movie playing nearby. They aren't
fumbling through the yellow white pages.
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I'm
wondering why I'm getting "renewal notices" from charitable organizations.
Has my periodic $20 contribution to Habitat for Humanity turned
into a subscription? Also, has anyone heard of the words "cute-iful"
or "sin-seriously"? Wanting to know as many are. |
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I'm
a Mac guy but I occasionally use a pc and I have to say, my Mac
has never told me I was performing an" Illegal Operation."
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I
cannot get the two Shredded Wheat biscuits in my bowl without
getting wheat strands all over the kitchen. We've had a problem
with ants and I worry about them eating our house someday. The
biscuits are baked in a spring loaded position. And once I get
them in the bowl I like to break them up so I can eat them with
a spoon and of course when I do that the stuff flies all over
the place. I would buy the spoon sized if it tasted the same but
it doesn't and that doesn't make any sense because they both have
the same ingredients-100% Wheat. Sort of like Italian bread tastes
different than French. |
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Kids
could care less but adults everywhere know their four CÕs, Contaminated,
Compromised, Corrupted and Covered up. Just in case you do some
meth and wig out. |
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"Have
your credit card ready."
Bite my ass.
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Top
Cat The most effec-tu-al Top Cat Who's intellectual close friends
get to call him "T. C." Providing it's with dignity Top Cat The
indisputable leader of the gang He's the boss He's the VIP He's
a championship He's the most tip top - Top Cat Yes he's the chief
He's the king, but above everything He's the most tip top - Top
Cat! |
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