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What is it with the notices "Now Hiring" or "Now Open"? Wouldn't just "Hiring" or "Open" cover it? While I'm at it, the expression is "..couldn't care less" not "...could care less". Oh yeah, it should be "7 items or fewer" not "7 items or less". Somebody stop me. I think I need a 12 step program.

"the voices told me to stay home and clean the guns today." anonymous frank

Is it safe to go back to using only two digits for the year?

Jeffrey Dahmer kept body parts in the refrigerator. Disgusting. No question. But lately I started noticing body trimmings and the utensils for removing unwanted growth out in the open everywhere. I was working on an ad with someone, looking over their shoulder at their monitor when I saw this sleek little black, slightly bigger than a AA battery, nose hair trimmer. I innocently asked what it was and wished I hadn't. I've since seen them advertised in Sharper Image catalogs. It's called a Turbo-Groomrer and it removes unsightly ear hair as well. I met with the owner of the local hardware store here on business and he took me down to his office in the basement of the old brick building. He was paged on the intercom as soon as we sat down and he left me sitting across the desk from his empty chair for about five minutes. The decor was so boring it was spooky and I started daydreaming. I absentmindedly picked up this large thumbnail clipping that was sitting on the base of his lamp and I was holding it in my hand when he came back into the room. I realized what I had in my hand and snuck it back on the lamp. Now I notice nail files on end tables and used toothpicks near the TV in people's homes. My neighbor had used Q-tips on his kitchen table when I stopped by the other day for cryin' out loud.

Strangers used to say "God Bless You" when you sneezed. Now you are likely to get a "Bless You" and I can't figure that one out. I guess people are confused because they want to be polite and "God" is just a little too strong a word to say in public these days. How did this happen? And just who or what is doing the blessing? I would rather they didn't say anything when I sneeze.
How do kid's get away with wearing sports paraphernalia without people wanting to talk to them about the teams all day. I mean, I wore an orange ski hat all winter that my father gave me and everybody wanted to talk about the Browns. I like wearing my P hat because it is one of my initials. I don't know anything about the Pirates. But sports teams' insignias all have hidden meanings like gang membership or something. I found a Red Wings hat in the street while I was riding my bike but I am afraid to put it on.

Since when do they allow yellow page ads in the white pages and white ads in the yellow pages? They might as well just put out one book. Ever price an ad in the yellow pages? They cost a fortune. Let's bring on the technology. In France they have an on-line database connected to everyone's phone with the ability to cross reference names and streets and sort Thai restaurants by a so many block radius and locate a movie playing nearby. They aren't fumbling through the yellow white pages.

 

I'm wondering why I'm getting "renewal notices" from charitable organizations. Has my periodic $20 contribution to Habitat for Humanity turned into a subscription? Also, has anyone heard of the words "cute-iful" or "sin-seriously"? Wanting to know as many are.
I'm a Mac guy but I occasionally use a pc and I have to say, my Mac has never told me I was performing an" Illegal Operation."
I cannot get the two Shredded Wheat biscuits in my bowl without getting wheat strands all over the kitchen. We've had a problem with ants and I worry about them eating our house someday. The biscuits are baked in a spring loaded position. And once I get them in the bowl I like to break them up so I can eat them with a spoon and of course when I do that the stuff flies all over the place. I would buy the spoon sized if it tasted the same but it doesn't and that doesn't make any sense because they both have the same ingredients-100% Wheat. Sort of like Italian bread tastes different than French.
Kids could care less but adults everywhere know their four Cs, Contaminated, Compromised, Corrupted and Covered up. Just in case you do some meth and wig out.

"Have your credit card ready."
Bite my ass.

Top Cat The most effec-tu-al Top Cat Who's intellectual close friends get to call him "T. C." Providing it's with dignity Top Cat The indisputable leader of the gang He's the boss He's the VIP He's a championship He's the most tip top - Top Cat Yes he's the chief He's the king, but above everything He's the most tip top - Top Cat!
 

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