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- 9-

"Do you remember dying?"

"Do most people?"

"Answer the question!"

"Well, actually . . ."

"You don

't, do you? You don't know how it happened, do you?"

"Don't you not know what has happened?"

"Who asked you?"

"It's a cacophony!"

"It's a brain collision!

"It's very hot afternoon, around five o'clock in June when you start seeing backwards and forwards at the same time."

"It's a sense of reality breakdown, folks."

"Well, actually . . ."

"These are the questions you get to ask yourself, because nobody else could be in this quandary, the exact quandary, unless it was their own similar quandary. But this is your quandary. Because you--"

"I?"

"Him."

"You mean the one self-regarding?"

"That's the one we are trying to isolate. The one regarded by the awareness

of himself. Not the one regarding, but the one regarded. Because--"

"That's the one who dies! The other one gets to think about it, and this is the thinking station."

"I saw my body lying on the ground, outside the crashed vehicle. I think it was a plane. I was wearing a red jacket, as was the one fallen. There was a man dressed in white, an attendant, and I looked at him--for an explanation. He said: we have to do it this way. Because we have to leave a body."

"So it was your double on the ground."

"So you did die."

"No, that was a dream. They have a prototype dream. Then when it happens, it's a, what do we call it, soft shock."

"Ah a dream. A very important dream!"

"Death is punishment for a crime."

"Well you certainly sound like you know what you are talking about."

"But. . . everybody dies . . . do they not?"ß

"From any one person's point of view, very few people die, if you think about it."

"Only everybody is one of them. I get it."

"That blanks me out."

"Properly speaking, death is punishment for a crime. The crimes vary; apparently everybody commits one, and they are promptly dealt with."

"Promptly?"

"Yes. Immediately! Your mistake, common, is thinking that death comes at the end of life. It doesn't. It comes during life; the time between when one

dies, while they are alive, and when they are actually physically done in, that represents a sort of last learning phase."

"This is some theory!"

"Being finally dead, then, still doesn't mean you are finished, by a long shot. It just means you can't go back to life. It means you are excluded. Get to watch. Think, and watch. And watch yourself thinking."

"Where? What? Watch what, where?"

"Been to the Cinema, lately?"

"Yes, I see it. People think death is what happens at the end of life. That's too easy. Death occurs while y�you're alive. Of course! I see it! And then what happens is . . . you go to the movies from that point on. Have you seen how the movies are increasing in their number and allure? It just indicates the number of dead, increasing in number and rapaciousness."

"It's what happens at the end of death that is really significant."

"Are all the people in the cinema seats dead?"

"Not all of them."

"This is impossibly elaborate! To think that all over the world, a percentage of people are--"

"Did I say this was universal? I can only be sure about what happens in my own neighborhood."

"What neighborhood is that?"

Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14. 15, 16

- 15 -

"Well, I am certainly glad I said all that I did, and I did say things, didn't I?"

"I heard that you did, but I of course didn't hear them myself. I only heard that others heard . . ."

"While the others who did hear, we haven't heard from them!"

"Echoes grow louder in the outer universe. Did you know that?"

"How convenient."

"Who convenient, what convenient?"

"Leonardo deVinci knew that. He also had the image that if the sun came hurtling toward the earth, it would grow smaller and smaller as it came."

"Does this mean that at the edge of the universe your poems, barely rippling here, are huge and unavoidable."

"I guess it does. They are probably huge and unavoidable, billboard size."

"Yes! The sun! Until it shoots like a bullet with the density of all the universe into the heart of a single citizen standing on the avenue, sensing his execution."

"That could be happening all the time. They just have to bring in another large sun to replace the one that hurtled through time, another sun and another sun, else the tapestry wouldn't alarm the sun-bathers and sun-gazers."

"By wheelbarrow, right?"

"My, what things can be imagined!"

"The sun is an assassin! The killer with a million precisely aimed darts of deadly light! I like it."

"There is nothing that cannot be imagined. And everything that is imagined also is, as least as imagined, if not then promptly installed by the congratulating worker gods."

"Go speak the truth."

"In the ancient world the gods were not discreet, like of late, but visible lumbering giants!"

"With names like . . ."

"Or speedy little demons!"

"What do we actually know for sure?"

"Or, better yet, who are we?"

"What do we surely actually know--is the song, if you know it."

"When you find people frowning at you, it means they don't understand why you can't make yourself more clear."

"Get it?"

"It's all true. Some thought truth was an essence, a precious metal, a stock portfolio! But truth is a novelty. The contents of a flea market! As a child -the prophet most liked to roam the five and dime store. As an adult he listened to your five and dime store ramblings."

"He amuses himself. While others scowl. Yet others snore. Yet he laughs at the images in his funhouse mind. And then, to one day find so much confirmed . . ."

"The prophet deigns to rub elbows with others, the cut-offs of humankind. Well and good and we should be honored."

"I thought he said he wasn't a prophet."

"And yet we only mock. We show our jealous selves, and mock the only man among us who is clothed in royal robes--or are those rags?"

"I said I hate it when people keep exuding their winning personalities. Some stranger haplessly happens into their��r midst and with their friends, who know this is a sham, watching,, start exuding, dripping all over, face glowing, eyes swarming with delusional fervor, etc. And why?"

"It's disgraceful."

"Why do friends allow their friends to carry on with that false personality, especially at parties."

"After a certain number of parties, one hates parties--that's for certain."

"One prefers quiet card games with reliable honest friends for life."

"With a fistful of corn chips in arm's reach of all, so that without loýlooking up even--"

"It's always too late; one is caught thinking--there she goes again. And talking about it afterwards does no good. People can never be forewarned to thwart their eccentricities."

"What, they have to be swatted down right in the act?"

"Like I say, they never are. They just get worse and worse--like . . . "

"Again, for lack of an example my attention grows weary, my sense of a great vagueness surrounding like humidity--"

"Did I mention that the shower in my hotel suite has no hot water. Nor cold water. But only tepid, temperature-less water."

'"Maybe this is the first stages of a nightmare. Going relatively easy on us for a start."

"This analyzing the way people are or used to be, this flaunting of our little accumulated understanding of human psychology, what is the point of it?"

"It's inevitable. So embrace it."

"Do I assume that--I can hardly say it: once taken does a person stop, you

know, aging and the like?"

"You'll just have to wait and see! Ha!"

"Time is not passing her�›e. They just change the background scenery to give a sense of time passing, or a verisimilitude (there is another word I wanted to ban!), and they don't do it very convincingly, I must say. In fact--"

"It's laughable. Apparently some of the scenery artists have never seen reality."

"Not even soothing, or reminiscent. Just clumsy. But not even funny. You know, maybe you are right--"

"This is a nightmare."

"And it's stepping up, of course--with the realization."

"Panic begets worse panic, we all know that from experience, I must say! Oh yes, there is one thing we all know for sure!"

"Why do you shout at the end of every sentence you speak. You start talking in a low rumble and end with a god-damned cannon in my face."

L"Was that thunder? That sounded like real godlike thunder.

Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14. 15, 16